Useless Skills I Possess

These will most likely get me no where in life
  1. Running up the stairs two steps at a time
  2. Guessing people's signs based on their birthday
    (Hardly anyone ever catches on to "I bet I can guess your sign. What month were you born in?". Not bad odds
  3. Squirming my hand into a vending machine to grab hanging candy
  4. Gliding across the carpet on furniture movers
  5. Wiggling my ears with or without glasses on
  6. Strawpedo-ing a bottles beer
    It's dangerous and I don't recommend it but I am really good at it
  7. Making celebrity island beer pong shots
    I'm lucky
  8. Getting first place in Mario Kart
  9. Incessantly inserting joke quotes into conversations without unsuspecting people noticing
    Anything from Parks and Rec, Friends, SNL, The Office, The Mindy Project, or Always Sunny
  10. Carrying all of the groceries in at once
    ALL ABOUT THAT ONE TRIP LIFE
  11. Driving with my knee
  12. Getting food out of my teeth with only my tongue
  13. Spelling "tongue"
    Just learned
  14. I can tie a knot with my TONGUE in a cherry stem