A GUIDE TO ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE

I am on elevators a lot so I've come up with helpful suggestions so as to not be the worst person on one
  1. Face forward
    Don't face sideways or backwards, especially if you are alone because it makes you look like a serial killer. Watch the floor numbers light up like a normal person.
  2. Press your floor and move aside
    I don't like it when my arm grazes your belly because you think you have to stand right in front of the buttons when there is plenty of room elsewhere
  3. Do you actually have service or are you just pretending
    All of our phones stop working the second the doors close YOU AREN'T FOOLING ANYONE
  4. GQ
    One time I got on the elevator and this dude was leaning with his arm on the metal rail and it was low for him so it was like this weird GQ pose. Don't do that.
  5. Do we really need to discuss bodily functions?
  6. Shout "good morning!"
    Everybody hates you.
  7. Don't follow up with "how is everyone doing today?"
    Now we are murderous. If there is a person not facing forward they are definitely going to kill you if you ask this.