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I'm a nobody. I mean, well, I'm a half decent lawyer and a mediocre army officer that drinks more than my mother likes. What I lack in everything, however, I make up with poorly timed jokes and passable karaoke.
- •Is this really Kevin Hart or Kevin Hart's assistant?
- •Kevin Hart's assistant is cool because he followed me, unless this was a mass following to get Kevin Hart more followers. In that case, I retract my stamens bout his/her/their coolnessUnless it's his publicist then...boo
- •All the things about Kevin Hart's assistant but about Kevin Hart
I have a nice home and a nice lady who cleans it because I'm way too lazy to do it myself. However...
- •Someone else will make your bed, turn it down in the evening and leave you a night treat.
- •Food can be brought to your room..booze too.
- •Walking around your room naked with the windows open is a great treat for passersby (even gooder if your on the first floor. Goodest is its an office building next to you and you catch some poor bastard staring at your naughty bits. Most good if you get recognized)
figured I should do a li.st while this was fresh on my mind.
- •The drive between Whitehorse, YT and Fort Nelson, BC is almost the most fun you can have in a moving car
- •The drive from Hinton, AB to Valemount, BC (through the Jasper National Park) is breathtakingly gorgeous
- •Although the Canadian Rockies are impressive, Mt. Robson up close just looks like am unimpressive oversized rock.
This is a CrossFit list. What happened when you quit for a while and then stage an elaborate comeback
- •All of the weights get heavier
- •All of your times get slower
- •Everyone else gets better
sometimes, you're bored out of your mind. sometimes, those other times, living alone is amazeballs!
- •Watch whatever you want.No judgement, no competition.
- •No one talks during the movie.Or complains if you fall asleep watching either.
- •Pants. Completely optional.Naked cooking, naked and sleeping and, best of all, naked nakeding. Oh yeah, it's a thing.
some people don't lift weights and, well, ...
- •My ass is amazingNot like oral sex amazing but like oral sex while you enjoy your favorite meal and movie together on your birthday amazing. I could be biased, but I doubt it. I sit on a million bucks.
- •I get strongI just feel gooder knowing I can lift more
- •Orgasms happen when I take my shirt offMen, women, Squirrels. Yeah
From a man who was retiring
- •Stay in shape
- •Don't stress about little shit
- •It's OK to drop the ball if it's made of rubber
people come here and love it. God, or someone willing, bless them. This list is for the rest of us.
- •It's dark most of the yearFor a majority of your year you will wake up, go to work, come home from work, and go to bed when it's dark. Not a little dark, but it's time to go to bed, but oh wait it's only 3pm dark.
- •It's cold most of the yearLike Number 1, but swap dark with cold. You ain't never been cold until you've been Alaska cold. Ever hated life so much you won't leave your car to walk into the building, you know, where you work (same reason you applied and agreed to this job that you don't really like all that much any more because, well, it's God Hate Me cold out)? Welcome to Alaska, the It Hates Me State.
- •MooseHit one with your car. You won't want to, but you will. Call your mom after. Even she will hear you scream expletives and will need an apology/explanation (how much do you love your mother?) Then call your car insurance and explain how you hit a moose, in the dark, driving on ice, but it's not your fault and your rates shouldn't increase. Buena suerte con eso.