I'm not a Gemini, but you should nevertheless expect the unexpected. Also, I counted the "11 O'Clock News" teasers as one sketch.
  1. "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble"
    "Beyond Perversion!"
  2. "A Fistful of Yen."
    "Take him to Detroit."
  3. "The Wonderful World of Sex"
    "And the capital of Nebraska is Lincoln!"
  4. "A.M. Today"
    "Sit on this, John."
  5. "Danger Seekers"
    No quote necessary.
  6. "Household Odors"
    "Christ, did a cow shit in here?"
  7. "United Appeal for the Dead"
    "Do not operate heavy machinery."
  8. "Courtroom"
    "Your honor, I object to this line of questioning."
  9. That's Armageddon
    "And Donald Sutherland as 'The Clumsy Waiter'."
  10. "Scot Free"
    "Bonus Card: You get Jack Ruby to kill your patsy! That's good because dead men don't talk."
  11. "11 O'Clock News"
    "Moscow in flames, and missiles headed toward New York. Film at 11."
  12. "Nesson Oil"
    "Well, what's our little skeptic doing today?"
  13. "Feel-a-Round"
    "Ladies and gentlemen, The Rialto Feel-a-Round invites you to stay for our next feature-length motion-picture presentation, DEEP THROAT."
  14. "Zinc Oxide and You"
    "The safety cap on your son's rifle."
  15. "High Adventure"
    "I live ze unknown, I love ze unknown, I am ze unknown."
  16. "Cleopatra Schwartz"
    "She was six feet of black dynamite! He was a short Hasidic Jew!"
  17. "Argon Oil"
    "Here at our multi-billion refinery in Fairbanks, we're extracting over 2.5 billion barrels of crude oil each day from teenagers' faces."
  18. "His New Car"
    What's that last buzzer for?
  19. "Nytex P.M."
    "It's hard to believe you went to bed with a headache when you wake up feeling so wonderful in the morning."
  20. "Willer Bear"
    "Time to kick off your sandals and open a Willer!"
  21. "Headache Clinic"
    Bill Bixby!
  22. "Eyewitness News"