Wacky Shit Overheard at My New Job

I just returned to cubeville after almost two years of working at home. Some of this may be sarcastic?
  1. "Is your house actively burning? No? Ok, then I'm going to need you to get me that report before they evacuate you..."
  2. "I don't know if Joe has pictures of Alex with farm animals or what... "
  3. "Do you want to borrow my headset?" "I am not touching anything that has been in or around your mouth."
  4. "Does he want bobble-heads or action figures?"