THINGS I'VE THOUGHT ABOUT TEXTING THE WEIRD GUY FROM THE BAR LAST NIGHT
Lies are marked with an asterisk.
- •"Sorry, bro, she must have given you a fake number."*
- •"I'm sorry--I was really drunk. I don't remember you."*
- •"I'm sure you're a nice guy but I really didn't want to meet anyone. Please don't text me again."
- •"I am sorry. That was my last night out before I have to get both my eyeballs removed. I hope I didn't lead you on."*
- •"I have a boyfriend."*
- •"Oh god, did my clone go out and pick up men AGAIN?!?!?"*