THE MEN I'M CRUSHING ON

I romanticize life and my top 5 suitors.
  1. 1.
    The bearded fella in my Fiction class
    Definitely my manliest crush. He has light red hair and a matching beard. The beard is thick. Cute and smart. I wrote funny comments on his workshop piece. In class I said he wrote "natural dialogue" and he smiled. Things are moving pretty quickly.
  2. 2.
    The mutual friend I kissed on a dare
    A real normal, funny guy. Definitely doesn't play games. Lives in Illinois. After we kissed he was like, "this is gonna happen again" and I was like, "whoa nelly"--we occasionally chat on Facebook messenger. He liked my profile picture. Oh my god, he totally likes me! Our mouths will touch again.
  3. 3.
    The man-boy who broke my heart
    A petite, Italian man-boy who wasn't ready to date---but realized that like once we were already dating #oops. Still crushing because he's so damn cute. I like hipster men because their affection is difficult to win on account of they hate everything. The adoration of a hipster makes me feel so special, like some kind of vintage limited edition record by The RollingStones they found at a thrift store.
  4. 4.
    My friends brother
    An organic, outdoorsy, hippie who I never see. Looks too much like my friend. Off-limits. Saw him on Halloween and he overheard me tell a friend I had a crush on him. Naturally, I avoided him the whole night. He put his arm around me at one point and I was like, "Damn it."
  5. 5.
    The guy I go back to every two years only to remember I hate him
    That casual friend I always thought was my co-star in the rom-com that is life. Then I realized he was a scumbag. We catch up occasionally and are like, "we're meant to be" but then a week later I hate him. Hate and love are pretty closely related. Haven't spoken in two years (eff).