1. Beanie - the multicolored type with the whirly spinner top
  2. Boater - the kind worn by schoolboys who call themselves "schoolboys" and not just "kids who go to school"
  3. Trucker hat - mesh and foam, what horrible materials for anything let alone a hat on your head
  4. Party hat - pointy, gaudy, with a bad strap, and celebratory in nature, no thanks
  5. Campaign - also known as a "Smokey Bear" hat, which should tell you everything you need to know about why it's bad
  6. Mortarboard - let's face it, everyone at graduation looks like a flat headed tasseled idiot
  7. Top hat - sorry Abe you're great but your hat's bad
  8. Dunce cap - I mean it's just plain mean
  9. Fedoras and trilby hats - obvious reasons doesn't need explanation