1. I can't tell if this cute snapchat was just sent to me, or broadcasted to everyone you know.
  2. This is the only time I've ever WANTED my phone to make an alert noise, but each new snap is a silent secret love bomb.
  3. I'm afraid you don't know what I look like without a glowy filter on.
  4. You could legitimately have a dog's tongue and I wouldn't know.
  5. I'm horny and can't masturbate in nine second bursts, man.