BOOKS I HAVE NEVER READ BUT PRETEND I HAVE

I read but just not these books.
  1. Infinite Jest
  2. The Kite Runner
  3. 99% of the books that get pitched to me
  4. The Year of Magical Thinking
  5. Most Thomas Pynchon novels
  6. The Sun Also Rises
  7. As I Lay Dying
  8. A quarter of my high school English syllabus
  9. The Bible
  10. The Wind Up Bird Chronicles
  11. Slaughterhouse Five
  12. All the instruction booklets to the appliances I own