8 HOURS AT THE U.S./MEXICO BORDER

A series of unfortunate events
  1. Hour one: It'll take us max 3 hours. Look at these cool directions we have. So glad we took the quick way.
  2. Hour two: Let's get centered and use that headspace meditation app. And take naps.
  3. Hour three: Okk look at those baby dogs! They look like small bears. We should go hang out with them. I wonder what they're thinking. Are their owners using them to pick up girls? They're THE cutest.
  4. Hour four: Fuck. You guys are definitely missing your flight. I wonder where the border even is. Are we in the right line?
  5. Hour five: We need to pee. Is it safe to pee in an alleyway in the middle of the day? Didn't know that liquor stores had clean bathrooms. Such a treat for us.
  6. Hour six: How many bags of churros should we get tho? They're so delicious and sugary. I think I cut myself! Oh wait it's just the sharp sugar from the churros.
  7. Hour seven: Definitely considering buying one of these plush dolls. One for each of us to represent our time here in this hell hole. Which one do you wanna be? I'll be the one with the glasses.
  8. Hour seven and a half: TOSTILOCOS! All we want are tostilocos, a mysterious street food that we assume to be nachos. Upon purchasing said menu item, we discover this is not the case. Chips, tamarind, cucumber, pork rinds and squid. We've made a huge mistake. Check please!
  9. Hour eight: They better do a full on cavity search when we get there. I wonder what could be worse at this point. Probably nothing. I'd be down to go to a Starbucks if we ever make it back. Let's put on some Taylor Swift.
  10. <<Slowly rocking back and forth>>