A LIST OF INJURIES

I blame clumsiness and not paying attention
  1. A bloody face
    Age 2: I was hanging out with our dog Raisin and like most babies, decided I would start hitting her. I hit her 'bad hip' and she was not feeling it. She proceeded to bite my face and the rest is history. Aka my parents to decide if they were going to get rid of me or her. They chose me.
  2. A head that really hurt
    Kindergarten-I was trying to impress all my new friends at recess and said I could do a headstand on the asphalt (this is and still is a lie). My head really hurt and I was not successful.
  3. A lot of scratches and cuts on my legs
    Age 9: I was riding my bike around a lake and a very small squirrel popped out of the bushes. I didn't want to hit said squirrel so I swerved out of the way and crashed into a bunch of licorice bushes. This changed my whole perspective on braking for squirrels.
  4. A small bite on my foot
    Age 10: Went on a family trip to Oahu and a crab bit me on the beach. I couldn't stop talking about it. It's memorialized in a video from the trip where I just say 'I got bit by a crab!' over and over again as no one acknowledges me.
  5. An awkward fork
    Age 18: *not exactly an injury* Freshman year included lots of memorable trips to the dining hall. I honestly don't know how this happened because I didn't have braces at the time, but I was eating dinner and got my fork stuck in the roof of my mouth. Time stood still and all my friends stared at me. I got the fork out and I was fine, all teeth in tact.
  6. A fractured foot
    Age 23: I was having a crazy dance party mosh pit time at a Desaparecidos show in Omaha when someone jumped directly on my left foot. It didn't phase me even in the weeks that followed. I thought having a giant club foot and cankle was normal. Turns out, I had fractured my foot.
  7. A second degree burn
    Age 26: Last week, I thought it would be a good idea to kill an entire colony of ants in my room. I forgot there was a hot curling iron on the ground and landed straight onto the iron. My skin melted off and it hurt so so bad. I've been rocking a very chic gauze look and have been told the wound looks VERY 'angry.'
  8. A curling iron burn part 2
    When I was v tired and getting ready for work, my hands suddenly stopped working and now I have some weird curling iron burns on my neck that look like strange hickeys. Will I ever stop using a curling iron after said injuries? Let's be honest, probably not!