I'M UNCLEAR ON MY UBER DRIVER

Yesterday, my sister and I had an Uber driver who was a special brand of human being that I don't think I've ever encountered before. He was a strange mix between a YouTube commenter and an SNL character, fully realized in a grown man. It's hard to pick just one standout quote from the ride home so here are nine of the most memorable ones.
  1. 1.
    "I'd rather be tied to a radiator in a basement than have to go on another family vacation."
  2. 2.
    "Florida. That's probably the most disgusting place I've ever been."
  3. 3.
    "I take that back. There's only one place worse I've ever been, worse than Florida, and that's Ecuador."
  4. 4.
    "But everywhere in South America you can live like a king or a queen for super cheap."
  5. 5.
    "Florida's pretty shitty unless you're gay. If you're a gay man, it's paradise."
  6. 6.
    "Don't get me wrong, it was flattering to get hit on by men at first."
  7. 7.
    "I have nothing against them at all, they're just a little aggressive."
  8. 8.
    "I'm not into men, so it gets offensive at a point. So I definitely know how you ladies feel sometimes. I know how you feel when men grope and grab and push their limits."
  9. 9.
    "I hate to say this, and I'm not racial, but a lot of brothers were more grabby than most."