I'M UNCLEAR ON MY UBER DRIVER
Yesterday, my sister and I had an Uber driver who was a special brand of human being that I don't think I've ever encountered before. He was a strange mix between a YouTube commenter and an SNL character, fully realized in a grown man. It's hard to pick just one standout quote from the ride home so here are nine of the most memorable ones.
- 1."I'd rather be tied to a radiator in a basement than have to go on another family vacation."
- 2."Florida. That's probably the most disgusting place I've ever been."
- 3."I take that back. There's only one place worse I've ever been, worse than Florida, and that's Ecuador."
- 4."But everywhere in South America you can live like a king or a queen for super cheap."
- 5."Florida's pretty shitty unless you're gay. If you're a gay man, it's paradise."
- 6."Don't get me wrong, it was flattering to get hit on by men at first."
- 7."I have nothing against them at all, they're just a little aggressive."
- 8."I'm not into men, so it gets offensive at a point. So I definitely know how you ladies feel sometimes. I know how you feel when men grope and grab and push their limits."
- 9."I hate to say this, and I'm not racial, but a lot of brothers were more grabby than most."