24 BOND MOVIES RANKED, WHILE DRUNK

Every thanksgiving I've watched the Spike James Bond marathon, since I was 5. Here are all Fleming films ranked, best to worst. (Request by @ChrisK, as I'm sloshed)
  1. 1.
    Casino royale
    Ian's First novel meets the franchises ultimate reclaiming of the spy genre for the next century Bond. Daniel Craig is the only Bond to give the OG Connery a run for his money. A pitch perfect retelling of Bonds birth as a spy is worth every fanatics first visit to the 007 universe.
  2. 2.
    Dr. No
    Okay okay okay. The first film gives too much good to be ignored. Connery is hot, No is yes, and Ursulaa Andress still makes me self conscious in a bikini. (Not as sexy when I struggle out of the Zuma riptide)
  3. 3.
    View to a kill
    Sure, Sir Roger Moore is the George Hamilton of Bonds. But by far the BEST BOND VILLAN is Christoper Walken as Max Zorin. Also FUCKING GRACE JONES! 🙏🏻
  4. 4.
    Skyfall
    I love Bond, but am a huge ass feminist. How do I reconcile that? Dame Judi Dench as M. Toss in Javier Bardem and an incredible director, you're completely at the whim of this Scottish vision
  5. 5.
    On her majesty's secret service
    Wtf? Well, "tf" is one-hit-wonder George Lazenby. Under appreciated romantic Bond has a a solid villain and storry to make this Top 5 flick.
  6. 6.
    Goldfinger
    Turns up the heat like a Dutch oven with baddie Auric Goldfinger. Bond: "Do you expect me to talk?" GF: "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die." Nerd fact: First Bond to win an Oscar.
  7. 7.
    From Russia with love
    🇷🇺 Lush locales, and KGB agent Rosa has a poisonous blade in her shoe. I've always wanted that for bad dates.
  8. 8.
    You Only Live Twice
    Roald Dahl wrote the script. The same glorious man that brought us Matilda and the BFG (... And also erotic short stories)
  9. 9.
    Live and let die
    Geeking out over theme from Other Bond Sir ... Aka Sir Paul McCartney (okay WINGS) soundtrack. Bonus Points for 007 devotees--" is there time before we leave for lesson number three?" ❤️ Jane Seymour
  10. 10.
    Thunderbakk
  11. 11.
    Thunderball 🌊
    Underwater fight scenes, a villain with an eye patch, and Connery's leg hair on display in wetsuit constructed of what can only be orange pleather.
  12. 12.
    The spy who loved me
    Jaws! A villain with braces! (He turns into a good guy in Moonraker but he'll always be a sad henchman who attacked Bond on a train to me 🚞❤️)
  13. 13.
    Die another day
    Mainly because of Halle Berry as Bond girl. And Madonna's horrendous cameo. And okay *decent* FX. If you're into that sort of thing.
  14. 14.
    Whatever Elba will eventually be in
  15. 15.
    CURVEBALL: Never Say Never Again
    Not an official Broccoli production, this was a one-off starring Sean Connery. Features "Fatima Bush."
  16. 16.
    For your eyes only
    👀👀👀👀👀👀
  17. 17.
    THe Man with the golden gun
    Evil French Dwarf manservant called Nick Nack repeatedly yelling "I Kill You".
  18. 18.
    The world is not enough
    Besides Octopussy, Bond girl name awarded to Dr. Christmas Jones, played by Denise Richards. Considering switching my name to Easter Vagina.
  19. 19.
    Goldeneye
    There's a 006 and he's a dick. Name's Trevelyan, he attempts nuclear detonation over London. It works! Just kidding. 007 always wins and has copious celebratory sex.
  20. 20.
    Octopussy
    😏😏😏🐙
  21. 21.
    DiamonIs one are forever
  22. 22.
    Diamonds are forever 💎💎💎💎
    Because the theme later was a neat hook for a Kanye West song.
  23. 23.
    License to kill
    I'm honestly running out of steam, but License to Kill as Benicio Del Toro has Dario and he's pretty awesome. (2nd Timothy Dalton suckfest)
  24. 24.
    Moonramer
    Bond... In space!
  25. 25.
    Tomorrow Never Dies
    I don't remember the plot, other than a fun motorcycle chase. That's not a good sign when you consider I can pull facts like Bond doesn't appear until 17 min in From Russia With Love out of my ass. But it's Pierce, and he has lovely 90's man hair so that means it's for sure better than...
  26. 26.
    The living day lights
    Timothy Dalton first suck-fest as Bond. Don't watch.
  27. 27.
    Quantum of solace
    😶