MONOLOGUE JOKES 4/3/16

Gonna try to start doing these on the reg...
  1. Police evacuated Times Square on Saturday evening after a suspicious vehicle was found unattended and left running. It goes to show you, anyone will do anything for free parking in Manhattan.
  2. It is reported Donald Trump wants the RNC to disqualify Kasich from the party's primary as he is taking away votes from him. "That's how elections work", said everyone.
  3. A couple in Massachusetts became medical researchers after one of them was diagnosed with a fatal genetic disease. It goes to show you, people will do anything for love, like remember my birthday Steven.
  4. UNC, which has been laden with multiple academic violations, has advanced to the NCAA Finals this Monday. It will be the first finals the "student athletes" will participate in the entirety of their academic careers.