Monologue Jokes 5/16!!!

  1. John Kasich reports he won't take a third party bid for the presidency, as he says "it doesn't feel right." This, coming from the person who completely third wheeled the entire Republican primary.
    Here would be a photoshopped pic of Kasich crashing a Trump/Cruz date.
  2. Colombian authorities seized more than 17,500 lbs of cocaine, making it one of the biggest drug busts ever. Or as Colombians refer to it, just another Tuesday.
  3. Doctors at Mass General have performed the first penis transplant in the USA. The surgery took over 15 hours, making it the longest and hardest procedure they've ever done.
  4. Doctors at Mass General have performed the first penis transplant in the USA. Over 50 nurses, surgeons, and doctors have been involved in this case over the past month, or as the man says, "This what paying attention to my needs means Linda!"
  5. Doctors at Mass General have performed the first penis transplant in the USA. Doctors report there are no signs of infection or bleeding, but they cannot guarantee no rejection of the organ over the course of his lifetime.