Headlines from my life. Let's bury the lede together.
  1. Area Woman Has 48 hours to Read a Novel on her Kindle for iPhone App for a Book Club She Shouldn't Have Joined Due to Procrastinatory Tendencies.
  2. Local Woman Confused By Rattling Noise In Closet: That's Just Seasonal Roaches, Neighbors Say.
  3. Area Woman's Dad Calls: "Checking In! Making Sure You Have a Warm Coat!"
  4. Local Woman Cited For Tweeting From A Trader Joe's Parking Space.
    Enraged spectator notes that the Monroe Drive Trader Joe's lot is a bloodbath and spaces must be vacated as soon as groceries are purchased.
  5. Area Woman Delivers Dazzling Putdown to Catcaller
    "Woo look at you! 🎶wolf whistle" 😡 "LOOK AT YOURSELF!" 👏🏼💀
  6. Local woman has hormonal birth control meltdown in apartment.
    Sources say she actually has her shit together but 2 days out the month she calls her mom crying about how much her face and body hate her.
    Suggested by @simplyshelli
  7. Local Woman Thinks She's A Photographer Because She Took Two Good Photos
    Her brother confirms that she is on the way to her the closest photography shop to buy a $1500 camera. A high school acquaintance reveals that she posted on Facebook asking if anyone wanted senior portraits taken but that she kept scrolling.
    Suggested by @bredee
  8. Local Woman Wears Black Long-Sleeved Crewneck For Fifth Consecutive Day
    A broken washing machine, or an unconventional shopper? Our investigative reporter brings you inside her closet.
    Suggested by @kyraa
  9. Local Woman Spends Four Days Eating Junk Food And Napping, Wonders Why She Feels Like Garbage
    Suggested by @meganelizabeth