I had dinner last night with my friend Susan. She is, completely without hyperbole, the kindest, most genuinely lovely person I've ever met. Her main flaw is that she's shit at taking compliments. I love giving compliments and I'm also terrible at receiving them. As you can see, things escalated.
  1. Susan is a newlywed, and she was talking about how she feels like marriage exposes her weaknesses. She was telling me about how she feels selfish sometimes
    And the other night she was clearing out her personal inbox and found all these emails to vendors her husband had sent/handled in the weeks leading up to their wedding, so she wouldn't have to deal with them, and she realized she hadn't thanked him for that. So she thanked him and he was like "I'd do anything to help you and make you happy" [ed. note: 😩😭] and then she tells me "I just felt like such an entitled beeyotch to wait so long to realize I should thank him"
  2. So like, I'm not married (obviously), and I have no idea what that's like, but Susan's a little teary eyed just telling me this story, so I jump in with the following:
  3. Me: I hear you, but I don't think a sincere "thank you" can ever be too late! Plus I just want to say that you're probably the most thoughtful person I know, so I'm sure your husband felt thanked already.
  4. Susan: Thank you, Anna, I appreciate that. That makes me feel better.
  5. Me: I'm serious! And I'm sure anyone else who knows you would say the same thing. You are such a wonderful person so obviously you're a wonderful wife.
  6. Susan: Ahh nooo I'm not but thank you. You always give such good advice, Anna.
  7. Me: Uhh I don't know about advice. I mean, I'm basically a confirmed spinster so it's really easy for me to spout marriage advice. Who knows what I'd be like as a newlywed! I'd probably be a monster, like, emailing MY fake fiancé with "it's my right and due that you call the florist and the caterer and you should've done it yesterday
  8. Susan: Shut your mouth right now, you'd be an amazing fiancé, are you kidding me? The only reason you're not dating is because no one's good enough.
  9. Me: Well and also because I'm terrible at dating and hate it very much and am shy around men but thank you, I would literally murder a man with my bare hands for you.
  10. Susan: 😳
  11. Susan: Same. But let's not murder anyone.
  12. Me: Sure. Hypothetical murder.
  13. I mean, look at this face and tell me you wouldn't do the same