Dystopian Smooches

  1. A very important question was posed on Twitter, and I felt that I ought to give it the extensive thought and academic rigor it deserved.
  2. Timothy Olyphant
    Global warming has turned the earth into a crust. I am forced to collect rainwater using Timothy's chiseled pectorals and store it in the many Bonne Maman jam jars I've stockpiled expressly for this purpose. We smooch underneath a shelter made from abandoned car tires that he's built with his bare hands.
  3. Shaun Evans
    We meet while I'm trying to whittle a canoe from a rotting log on the beach that used to be Kansas. We have a stammer off, because he was hoping to use the canoe and I don't want to share. It's okay that I'm incoherent, because we don't need words when our eyes can do all the talking and verbal communications died out 2 monsoons ago. We smooch over a pile of wood shavings.
  4. Ben Schwartz
    Of all the post-apocalyptic bars in all the towns in all the world, he walks in to mine and I serve him a gin and tonic. The juniper berries are thought to be a protectant from greenhouse gases ravaging our world. We smooch across the bar since we are the only people left on earth. (I'm the duck).