My ex-boyfriend got engaged today. You might remember him from this list: First Love Like a Flare.
  1. I feel a little weird and I feel weird about feeling weird.
    What a fun feedback loop.
  2. Mostly I feel weird that he beat me to getting engaged, not that he's engaged to someone who isn't me.
    My lizard brain thinks this is a contest and also hates losing.
  3. It's like, permanent closure.
    My lizard brain is going to have to shut the hell up with the 3 am "what if we someday worked it out" thoughts which are both unwelcome and unwarranted.
  4. We didn't even get actual closure until 5 years after our breakup, which I listed about here: If You, Like Me, Apply Songs to Your Life in Highly Specific Ways
    My lizard brain needs reminding.
  5. The facts are these: We are very different people now. He doesn't really know anything about me anymore. We can never recreate what we had. And the small part of me that's 17 and innocent forever will always love the version of him that's 20 and trying.
  6. Anyways. That's all.
  7. My friend Alysse responded to my feelings blather text with "I feel for you and I want to remind you that there's enough room at the table of love for you both."
    that's a good thought.