Here Comes the Bittersweet

A list of the uglier feelings punctuated by photos of me attending weddings
  1. I ordered a backup two piece outfit for a wedding this weekend that made me look like 6 commuter umbrellas bundled into the fanciest potato sack
    Thank god I also ordered a backup for my backup because this is a hideous mess.
  2. I don't know, I love being invited to weddings and I don't really have fun all at the same time.
    I never bring a plus one, which means I can slip out after the cake cutting unnoticed. Because watching other people pledge to be in love with each other for the rest of their lives is beautiful and it makes me sad for me.
  3. This is self absorbed and I know another person's wedding is not about me,
    but as soon as the wedding march starts, I think "what if I never ever get to have this" and then I'm dabbing my eyes with a crumpled up Kleenex like everyone else but for the wrong reasons.
  4. This is why I always ask how couples met each other. What did you do? Where were you living? Was it easy? How did you know? And then what?
    If I know the steps, maybe I can recreate it. Maybe I can will It into existence.
  5. Once I asked my mom how she was so sure about marrying my dad.
    And she said, "He was steady and gentle and I just knew."
  6. Which didn't clear things up for me, so I pressed further: "but what did you know?"
    And she just shook her head and said "you'll know yourself someday."
  7. Well Mom, I don't know if I will.