1. For context, here's my dad, age 7. He looked like Opie.
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  2. You’re in high cotton!
    You are straight crushing it, good job! Used for good grades, job acceptances, promotions, paying less than market value for new tires, etc.
  3. That dog don't hunt.
    What you're saying makes no sense to me.
  4. Rode hard and put up wet.
    This sounds vaguely sexual but it basically means something or someone looks rough as hell.
  5. I don't have a dog in this fight.
    Do whatever you want. (Lotta dog references coming out of Mississippi).
  6. Quit dragging your diaper!
    Dragging your diaper is to be a slowpoke, to go slowly on purpose. My dad loves to pull this one out on the freeway.
  7. Poop or get off the pot.
    Make a decision. This one drives my mom bonkers.
  8. Boy howdy!
    Used to mimic his father-in-law who's Texan.
  9. Meester Mole!
    This one's a hold out from childhood when my dad used to do all the voices from Thumbelina. Used when my dad's warming up for another impression or trying to make one of his daughters laugh.
  10. Are you waiting on an engraved invitation?
    Get a frick-fracking move on.
  11. I told him how the cow ate the cabbage.
    To tell someone how the cow ate the cabbage is to tell them off, to let them know the truth in a short, standoffish way.
  12. I'll give ya a light or a smoke but I ain't gonna give you both.
    self-explanatory. Also my dad has never smoked (he did chew tobacco for a few years as a bachelor), so this phrase is always hilarious