Best Tracy Jordan Quotes

I know I haven't gotten close to all of the good ones please make suggestions.
  1. "Lord knows some of my friends are just shrubs I put hats on and get high with."
  2. "Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts."
  3. "Live every week like it's shark week."
  4. "Liz Lemon you're blowing up like a balloon with a grenade in it."
  5. "I've seen a hooker eat a tire! A pack of wild dogs took over and successfully ran a Wendy's! The sewer people took my skateboard! I saw a baby give another baby a tattoo. They were very drunk!"
  6. "You know how pissed off I was when US weekly said I was on crack? That's racist. I'm not on crack, I'm straight up mentally ill."
  7. "Dress everyday like you're gonna get murdered in those clothes."
  8. "I am a stabbing robot. I will stab you."
  9. "This is bad! Because I can't change. I'm like a chameleon... Always a lizard!"
  10. "Sure, find a scapegoat. Just like John Hancock did with the good King George."
  11. "New dude is as good at singing as Tracy Jordan is at everything"
  12. *Walks into therapists office* "Whose crazier, me or Ann Curry?"
  13. "You look regular. Can I guess your name? Is it Pedro? Is it Craigford? Is it Swimming?"
  14. "Are you a pre-op transcentaur?"
  15. "I'm sharp as a tack. My brain is working overtime. I finally understand the end of the Sixth Sense. Those names are the people who worked on the movie."
  16. "The manatee has become the mento."
  17. "Nothing is impossible except, for dinosaurs."
  18. "Stop eating people's old French fries, pigeon. Have some self respect! Don't you know you can fly?"
  19. "I like to walk around my house naked to remind my oldest son who's still got the biggest ding dong."
  20. "I don't believe in one way streets. Not between people and not while I'm driving."
  21. "Heavy is the head that eats the crayons."
  22. "You are wise Liz Lemon. Like a genetically manipulated shark."
  23. "Regrets are for horseshoes and handbags."
  24. "Someone stole my mood ring. I'm not sure how to feel about it."
  25. "I hate to say 'I told you so'... so welcome to Miami."
  26. "Well, I yelled 'Baba Booey' at Walter Cronkite's funeral, so I actually have no idea of what's rude or not."
  27. "Splock... it's short for 'Black Spock'"
  28. "You know when a dude knows he's going to turn into a warewolf and locks himself into a jail? Well I'm embarrassed to say I missed the birth of both of my sons. For very legitimate reasons."
  29. "The capital of the United Arab Emirates is Abu Dhabi. I know that cuz if I go back there I'll be executed."
  30. "Let's do it again from the top. I want to get it perfect, because 'perfection' is my middle name: Unclaimed Perfection Baby Boy."
  31. "My incompetence knows no bounds"
  32. "I am a Jedi"
  33. "What is this, Horseville? Because I'm surrounded by naysayers! Wordplay!"
    Suggested by   @b3cc4
  34. I am gonna EGOT. For us, for the family, and especially for little Chewbaqueena Jordan.
    Suggested by   @elzeno11
  35. "I know it's a girl, Liz Lemon, because I yelled 'Susan B Anthony' at the moment of conception!"
    Suggested by   @spicymeatball
  36. "Dotcom, get me a black coffee, and by that I mean a Sunkist"
    Suggested by   @roballen
  37. "It's like a Black Barbie in Arizona. No one is buying it!"
    Suggested by   @b3cc4
  38. "It's a blessing and a purse"
    Suggested by   @roballen
  39. "We're on a show within a show, my real name is Tracy Morgan!" @NeffRxKU16
    Suggested by   @themelissaneff
  40. [clip of Warewolf Bar-miztvah]
    Spooky scary! Boys becoming men; men becoming wolves.
    Suggested by   @i8brenna
  41. "Look at me! I'm Ogbert the nerd. Always have been, always will be"
    Suggested by   @alenka