(In part, anyway. I'm complex...)
  1. I believe that manatees look like baked potatoes, and vice versa.
  2. I believe that revenge, vanity and fear are the best motivators.
  3. I believe that rescue dogs are awesome, but responsibly bred pure breeds are ok.
    No puppy mills, dammit.
  4. I believe that naps are a legit hobby.
    See also: binge watching Netflix, etc.
  5. I believe that knowing how to craft a handwritten note is a necessary survival skill.
    And I have mastered it.
  6. I believe that they can stop teaching cursive in schools ONLY IF they fill that time teaching the Metric System.
  7. I believe that a hot shower and cold beer when taken together, have healing properties.
  8. I believe that Brunch, when done right, is the most important meal of the day.
  9. I believe that Cream of Wheat is gross, but grits are delicious.
  10. I believe that Life Savers were better before they messed with the original Lime/Lemon/Orange/Cherry flavors.
  11. I believe that Hell, if it exists, smells like Bath and Body Works Sun-Ripened Raspberry.
    Or possibly Cucumber Melon.
  12. I believe that the best place to buy avocados is a Mexican Grocery.
  13. I believe that crappy daytime TV can help cure the common cold.
  14. I believe that the Christmas carol "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is the worst Christmas song ever.
  15. I believe that the best thing about living in the central time zone is that SNL comes on at 10:30.
  16. I believe that NyQuil hangovers are worse than regular hangovers.
  17. I believe that couples who smash cake in each others' faces at their wedding may need therapy.
  18. Actually, I believe most couples need therapy. Most singles, too.
  19. I believe that cookie dough tastes better than baked cookies.