(but can't)
  1. I know you hate your mother, but you are JUST LIKE HER.
    And the sooner you realize that, the better.
  2. You really seem to hate your kids. And I don't blame you.
  3. Your oldest son has a haircut that makes his head look like a penis.
    Seriously. Great Clips.
  4. Please stop posting Minions. Please.
    Fucking Minions.
  5. Yes, you have boobs. Every selfie you take makes that clear. Now buy a decent bra and lift 'em up.
  6. Wait! You sell Advocare/Rodan and Fields/Whatever?!? I had NO IDEA!
  7. Your kid is going to be thrilled with all the details you've shared about her potty training.
    Because Facebook is forever.
  8. How the hell are you so rich?
    You were a complete dumbass in school.
  9. Wow, your kid looks just like you. No, that's not a compliment!
  10. We don't need a photo essay of your night at the bars.
    Also... this may be why you're still single.