This Concerns Me

  1. How much my dad loves the song "Private Dancer" and how often he brings it up.
  2. My cat's new frequent flatulence. But also how cute it sounds to me. For real, it sounds like a very succinct whimper of a puppy.
  3. My guy's friend's friend's roommate changed the HBO GO login info.
  4. The effects of L&O: SVU being my lullaby every night. Episode dialogue looping and seeping into my subconscious.
  5. On that note, the fact that people don't seem to point out that Stabler has major issues besides his temper.
  6. Deodorant giving me cancer.
  7. I mean, just how often I think about my ideal charcuterie spread.
  8. The probability of getting a heart attack from all of the cured meats I eat and mistaking it for a panic attack and reassuring my coworkers they don't need to call 911 while clutching my chest and digging around in my purse for Xanax.
  9. The wedding photographer making us pose in corny ways like staring into each other's eyes or into the distance/our future.