1. β€’
    If what I texted seemed snarky or sarcastic, please refer to the "winky-face diffuser"
  2. β€’
    This is "do not be mad I didn't answer FaceTime last night." So much sweeter than, "I was sleeping."
  3. β€’
    Please accept this good luck clover, and let it be equal to my attendance and tangible gift.
  4. β€’
    Oops, I messed up. Please do not be mad.
  5. β€’
    Hello, 4-year-old niece. I might be a grown-up, but I can match your rambling emoji texts.
  6. β€’
    I am too lazy to text "good job!"
  7. β€’
    Have you seen my sunglasses?
  8. β€’
    I told you not to drunk-text your ex! And I am at work and too busy to do anything but send the monkeys.
  9. β€’
    The dog pooped inside and there is no unhappy-faced poop emoji
  10. β€’
    Is emoji the singular form of emoticon? Or switch those? Or is an emoji just the yellow faces? Is it wrong to not change the skin-tone from Simpson-yellow, to a more accurate skin tone of mine or yours? Is it cool that since I graduated college in 2002, my terminology and cultural sensitivity may be off? Because, it is not offered on my list of CEU credits.
  11. β€’
    I just searched through my upgraded list of emoticons to find this, in response to your "yes, no, or maybe" question. Was that clever? Do you get it?! Do you also feel nauseated after scrolling through all your emoticons?
  12. β€’
    I think I am trying to hard to say I mailed you a letter.
  13. β€’
    Wanna go to the casino?
  14. β€’
    I really do not like the song "I Can't Feel My Face." It is like a love song to a dentist.