THE THOUGHTS OF MY PETS AS I PACK FOR A TRIP

I feel kind of guilty as I pack...no, I do not! My animals can be totally hi-ma douche-bags. I am immune to their pouting. I won't spend 30 minutes documenting their reactions and then listing it...Damn it, I will be packing for many hours—Listapp break!
  1. Hmmmmm, the human is rolling up her pjs.
  2. We should huddle.
    even though we never do...and when she tries to sleep later than sunrise, we have a territory-tirade animal challenge, mostly because she-human looks like a crazy banshee, yelling at us in "Oscar the Grouch" jammies. How long do humans live? She is maybe too old for Sesame Street.
  3. Oh boy. She had color-coded her cardigans. This means we get a stupid babysitter who comes over every other day. We know what to do. Pee and puke on everything.
  4. I am Bella, the puker. I also shred the toilet paper, open cupboards, and tear into anything foodish, like Mike Tyson on-an-ear-style. Ps I do not bury my poop.
  5. I am Baylor, the favorite. I am actually the one who pees everywhere. And I hump everything soft in the house. All the stuffed animals should be on birth control. (But valid question, isn't the she-human too old for Sesame Street and stuffed animals?)
  6. I need an intervention. It isn't fair. Dogs love the smell of cat food, and that is why we eat cat poop. I know, gross. But, do you let an alcoholic live in a bar? They both out-weigh me. They poop A LOT. Bella doesn't bury, Baylor is humping my stuffed toys...it is comfort food. Oh yeah, I am Dexter. Named after the serial killer guy. True deal.
  7. Everyone look normal, so she will leave on her trip...
  8. Bella: I cannot wait until she leaves and gets her dumb backpack of the chair she thinks is hers.
  9. Baylor: I run this house, fyi.
  10. Dexter: Will someone poop, already. I really want a snack!
  11. I am so ready for my bereavement time! I delayed my time-off after my Dad passed; I knew it would hit hard later...I am off to Switzerland!
  12. We shall see how my petamily runs the house.
  13. Love you, Listappers! Hope to be in touch. Wish me luck. Got a lot to process!!!
  14. Then there are these guys. Wtf. It is like leaving a keg with a bunch of teens. But it is just food, poop, and humping soft things.
  15. Yeah, I need a break. 😘