THE THOUGHTS OF MY PETS AS I PACK FOR A TRIP
I feel kind of guilty as I pack...no, I do not! My animals can be totally hi-ma douche-bags. I am immune to their pouting. I won't spend 30 minutes documenting their reactions and then listing it...Damn it, I will be packing for many hours—Listapp break!
- •Hmmmmm, the human is rolling up her pjs.
- •We should huddle.even though we never do...and when she tries to sleep later than sunrise, we have a territory-tirade animal challenge, mostly because she-human looks like a crazy banshee, yelling at us in "Oscar the Grouch" jammies. How long do humans live? She is maybe too old for Sesame Street.
- •Oh boy. She had color-coded her cardigans. This means we get a stupid babysitter who comes over every other day. We know what to do. Pee and puke on everything.
- •I am Bella, the puker. I also shred the toilet paper, open cupboards, and tear into anything foodish, like Mike Tyson on-an-ear-style. Ps I do not bury my poop.
- •I am Baylor, the favorite. I am actually the one who pees everywhere. And I hump everything soft in the house. All the stuffed animals should be on birth control. (But valid question, isn't the she-human too old for Sesame Street and stuffed animals?)
- •I need an intervention. It isn't fair. Dogs love the smell of cat food, and that is why we eat cat poop. I know, gross. But, do you let an alcoholic live in a bar? They both out-weigh me. They poop A LOT. Bella doesn't bury, Baylor is humping my stuffed toys...it is comfort food. Oh yeah, I am Dexter. Named after the serial killer guy. True deal.
- •Everyone look normal, so she will leave on her trip...
- •Bella: I cannot wait until she leaves and gets her dumb backpack of the chair she thinks is hers.
- •Baylor: I run this house, fyi.
- •Dexter: Will someone poop, already. I really want a snack!
- •I am so ready for my bereavement time! I delayed my time-off after my Dad passed; I knew it would hit hard later...I am off to Switzerland!
- •We shall see how my petamily runs the house.
- •Love you, Listappers! Hope to be in touch. Wish me luck. Got a lot to process!!!
- •Then there are these guys. Wtf. It is like leaving a keg with a bunch of teens. But it is just food, poop, and humping soft things.
- •Yeah, I need a break. 😘