1. They are the most waspy Jews you will ever meet
    Since when do Jews conceal emotions?
  2. They are all incredibly high functioning alcoholics
    Our grandma ordered a Grey Goose martini straight up at noon.
  3. Our grandma, once called the most beautiful woman in Toronto, is married to the town's biggest putz
    When on the topic of my home birth he said "what a dumb family." He also told my high school boyfriend who was into Chinese medicine that he was an idiot.
  4. 90% of all Lipson men are perverted
    My grandfather recently remarked in Palm Springs, "what a nice body," as I walked past him in a bikini. My aunt said "that's your granddaughter." He has Alzheimer's but this would've happened years ago. Also called the area where cousins and I were tanning was "tushy town." He didn't remember @Z name but said "last time I saw you you were in a bikini." Wut.
  5. The family business is manufacturing socks, under an Irish name, because who in Toronto wanted socks made by Jews 50 years ago?
  6. They have fucked up ways of pronouncing words: "oot" "sore-ry" "tomoarow" and worst of all "NaTAAASha"
  7. They are proper business people and we were raised by artists in Venice and I am always confused by how I am related to them