NEW YORK'S HOTTEST CLUB IS

an ode to Stefon, please add your favorites!
  1. Crease
    "Club promoter Tranny Oakley has gone all out. This place has everything: Lights, psychos, Furbies, screaming babies in Mozart wigs, sunburned drifters with soap sud beards. (You know, that thing when the hobo becomes a rich man, so they take that big bubble bath?)"
  2. Booooof
    "Located in an abandoned orphanage on the lower, lower east side of Chelsea, this round-the-clock puke-party is the creation of narcoleptic club owner Snoozin Lucci. This place has pugs, geezers, doo-wop groups, a wise old turtle that looks like Quincy Jones and a coked-up Gremlin named Gizbo."
  3. ....Kevin?
    "Opened at gunpoint in a Lady Foot Locker, this Long Island cold spot is managed by infamous gay runningback Blow J. Simpson. And there's a VIP room for football jellyfish. It's a thing of when an NFL player has that helmet but with the skinny dreads hanging out."
  4. Twice
    "Don’t be thrown off when you’re greeted at the door by a rabbi that looks like Joaquin Phoenix – you’re in the right place. Also, it’s owned by Robert Blake. This place has everything: Gauze, carnival barkers, groups of guys with afros in graduation caps, human fire hydrants.....You know, it’s that thing of when high-waisted midgets have like, the red pants and the big ass."
  5. New York’s hottest club is: Uhhhhh
    "This place has everything: Split kicks, pachucos, pile after pile of expired lunchables, a Hawaiian cleaning lady who looks like Smokey Robinson Look who just walked in – is that Natalie Portman? No, it’s an old Irish black man that we call Murphy Brown. If you come this Sunday, you’ll meet 2-year-old Ultimate Fighter Drooly-Lips Jackson. He’s got fists like little empanadas, and he’s my best friend"
    Suggested by   @ana