THINGS I STEAL FROM MY PARENTS' HOUSE EVERY TIME I VISIT

Can you tell I'm a college student?
  1. Food
    This is a given.
  2. Paper goods
    Nothing gets my housemates more excited than a 12-pack of luxurious triple-ply Costco toilet paper.
  3. Stamps
    Not really sure why this is even worth the effort.
  4. Fancy candles
    I have a horrible candle addiction that has begun to severely effect my relationships and bank account. I've turned to petty theft to indulge my insatiable craving for ambiance.
  5. Printer ink
    That shit is the most valuable substance on this planet by weight. You better believe I'm stocking up.
  6. Not on this list: alcohol
    I never know which bottles of wine will or will not be missed. Anything I grab could be either two buck chuck from Trader Joe's or their most prized possession. My palms are sweaty just thinking about it.