Essentially any job I think I would be better at than the people that currently do them!
  1. The editor of my local newspaper.
    Seriously though, there's no excuse for printing the wrong there/their/they're in a printed newspaper! My friend and I used to have a game where we'd "spot the error" on a daily basis and never came up short. Unacceptable. I'll do a much more pristine job for you!
  2. DJ at 105.1 KOCEAN
    Seriously KOCEAN, you legit pick 25 songs to play over the course of a month. I know your steez. And, they're the 25 most typical songs you'd expect to be played. Hand the job over to me and you'll have listeners be calling in saying "daaang I completely forgot about this jam!"
  3. A Spotify Playlist Maker
    It really irks me when I see these Spotify playlists with wrong information, incorrect decades, or "Oldies but Goodies (2005-2015)". You guys kinda suck at what you do and should hire a supreme playlist maker such as myself!
  4. A menu editor
    I would kick major ass at this job. I can't even help it, menu errors stick out to me like a sore thumb. I'm a stickler for having things uniform, so the font, capitalization, style, punctuation, and correct spelling would be entirely on point. Fun fact: The Mother and I have the same birthday, I would be Ted Mosby's mighty shellfish wife.
  5. Editor of (insert reality show here)
    This one's not necessarily a jab towards any show, but I would love to be an editor of a reality show, Survivor especially. I'm very detailed oriented and pay very close attention to anything that could slip through the cracks, and I always notice, admire, and appreciate The Editor's Joke, and I think I'd be pretty good at fine tuning indirect humor like that. (That's a random gif, couldn't think of anything clever)
  6. Mail carrier
    I would be SUCH a good mail lady! I love walking, I have to walk at least 5 miles a day or I get too restless. I walk super-duper fast (just plain super isn't sufficient enough to describe my walking speed), I'm exceedingly great at sorting things, especially by category, and I love geography and my keen sense of direction. Can mail carriers listen to their headphones?! Cause this is sounding better and better by the minute!
    Imagine a reality show, like the MTV show Room Raiders crossed with Intervention. A housemate, parent, sibling, girlfriend, husband, etc. will write in expressing their disdain for their messy housemate! They give a list of what they're particularly bad at or need working on, and I bust down the door, supplies in hand, ready to put these fuckers through cleaning boot camp. I'd have Gordon Ramsay-esque insults for their poor skills.