HOW TO MAKE A CAKE FROM SCRATCH

By someone who has never made a cake from anything.
  1. Get a bag of flour.
  2. Get a dozen eggs.
  3. Get a carton of baking soda.
  4. Get a sack of sugar.
  5. Get, like, 10 sticks of butter.
  6. Get a plastic thing of yeast.
  7. Get a tin of frosting. Do you have to make the frosting too? I guess get another sack of sugar and a dozen eggs.
  8. Drive home.
  9. Scramble the eggs.
  10. Mix in everything else in a stainless steel bowl.
  11. Shit you probably need a whisk. Get a whisk.
  12. Drive back home.
  13. Whisk your cake batter.
  14. Put the bowl in the oven and cover it with tin foil.
  15. Smoke a joint.
  16. Play Mario kart for a while, smooth sailing from here.
  17. Oh shit, turn the oven on. 350? 450, just to be safe.
  18. Wait 12 hours. No, better yet, sleep for 12 hours.
  19. Take the cake out of the oven.
  20. Cut it into a rectangle.
  21. Put the rest of the eggs and sugar on top. How does frosting work? Maybe you need mayonnaise?
  22. Get mayonnaise.
  23. Drive back home.
  24. Mix the mayonnaise with eggs and sugar on top of the cake and kind of twirl it up with a fork.
  25. Put it back in the oven for an hour.
  26. Take it out of the oven.
  27. Boom, cake made.