Cancer Faux Pas: Don't Say This

My spouse was recently diagnosed and here are sentences that actually come out of people's faces.
  1. Everything happens for a reason.
    No, it doesn't. The universe is random and mysterious and sometimes horrible things happen.
  2. God needs him/her in heaven.
    Nope. That's ridiculous.
  3. What kind of cancer is it?
    That is not your business. If we want to share that information, we will do so.
  4. Do you eat beef? Drink pasteurized milk? Live under power lines? Maybe that's why.
    Stop trying to rationalize this random atrocity. Sussing out a cause does not make you immune to tragedy.
  5. Enjoy every moment you have together.
    Thanks.
  6. Have you tried rubbing frankincense near the tumor? Have you tried Plexus? Organic cottage cheese and flaxseed are better than chemo.
    Jesus. Please go away.