HOW TO MAKE THE BEST DAMN GARLIC BREAD YOU WILL EVER PUT IN YOUR MOUTH

When we were unemployed and broke in DC, @crackdkettle and I basically lived on this, pasta, and the bacon ends & pieces you can get for $3-4/lb at Trader Joe's, and it was kind of the best (I mean, it was also awful, but the food was good!).
  1. 1.
    Get a loaf of bread. One of those big fluffy white Italian/French loaves you can grab at the store for less than two bucks.
    You can probably use another kind, but I make no guarantees as to quality. Also, why would you?
  2. 2.
    Grab a bunch of garlic and mince it. You're gonna need at least 6 largish cloves, but I tend to go for more like 8-10.
    @crackdkettle's garlic mincer is one of my favorite kitchen tools, but a knife'll do the job too.
  3. 3.
    Put a stick (4oz) of soft butter and your minced garlic in a bowl. Stir it thoroughly.
    To quickly soften refrigerated butter, I find it best to cut it into like ten pieces and mash it with a fork. If that's taking too long/the butter is still too hard, throw it in the microwave for 5-15 seconds (depending on how powerful your microwave is - but you do NOT want it to melt).
  4. 4.
    Cut your loaf of bread in half crosswise & then again lengthwise.
    Cut it into slices if you want to, but if you don't have to share, it's just as good by loaf quarters. Trust me.
  5. 5.
    Slather it in garlic butter.
    Seriously. Don't skimp. SLATHER.
  6. 6.
    Stick it under your broiler for maybe 5-7 minutes? Idk, every broiler is different, but just leave it in until the edges are crispy and golden.
  7. 7.
    Profit.
  8. 8.
    Some notes: I've made this with a 2:1 mix of fresh & roasted garlic, which is divine. If you wanted to throw on some shaved Parmesan, it definitely wouldn't hurt. If your mother isn't the pickiest person in the history of time, a sprinkling of fresh parsley would also be delicious.
    On the other hand, I'm not gonna lie to you: this doesn't require embellishment. Sometimes simple is best.