QUESTIONS MY COUSIN'S 33-YEAR-OLD HUSBAND ASKED ME WHILE I WAS PREPPING BREAKFAST FOR TOMORROW

All while standing shirtless in my kitchen with nothing but a too-small counter between us.
  1. 'Are you going to poach eggs in those?'
    (those being indentations in a spinach/mushroom mixture)
  2. 'Poaching is like baking, right?'
    nope
  3. 'Is that bread?'
    clearly
  4. 'What kind of bread is it?'
    can you read?
  5. 'What's buttermilk bread?'
    idk bread made with buttermilk??
  6. 'Is that sugar?'
    no, this is a gallon-sized zip-loc filled with salt that i'm about to pour all over this bread
  7. 'Are you zesting?'
    if you can zest a nutmeg seed, then yes
  8. 'Is that cinnamon?'
    can you seriously not read?!
  9. 'Why are you turning on the oven?'
    for fun