REASONS MY MOTHER IS A TERRIBLE ROOMMATE
I moved back in with my mother recently. It's going great.
- •She never squeezes out the sponge.Nothing better than going to do the dishes & picking up a ball of slime.
- •She never replenishes things from the freezer when she finishes the last of what's been defrosted.Enjoy trying to spread that frozen solid butter on your toast that's still cold in the middle.
- •She always puts her phone on speaker at full volume.Headsets are uncomfortable & her arm gets tired, apparently.
- •She always opens the dishwasher before the cycle is complete.'The dishes will air dry.' Based on the amount of water I've dumped on myself trying to put away the mugs, no they won't.
- •She never clears the microwave timer.What time is it? Oh cool, scrolling PRESS START'o'clock.
- •She thinks 79 is a reasonable temperature at which to keep the thermostat.Anything lower is 'too cold'. But she also refuses to wear warmer clothing, because she 'shouldn't have to wear a sweater in the summer.' (If you're a mutant who thinks 79 is cold then YES YOU SHOULD.)
- •She doesn't know how to sit still.'It's the weekend! Let's exercise! Let's go a million places! Let's exercise again!' I have lists to write, Mom. GOD.