THINGS MY GRANDFATHER SAID THIS EVENING

  1. 'I got first digs.'
    Re the chocolate my uncle sent back from Poland with him specifically for my sister & me.
  2. 'Make sure to read the article so you know what they serve.'
    Re the review he had cut out of the newspaper of the restaurant we were going to. When I said I was gonna rely on the menu he warned me the menu wouldn't be as detailed.
  3. 'This is enough for four meals!'
    After eating about 2 pieces of broccoli & one piece of beef, which comprised approximately 1/8th of his dish.
  4. 'They didn't know what the hell else to do with us & it wouldn't have been fair to only deploy the Army & the Air Force.'
    Why the Navy sent him to Japan during the Berlin Crisis.
  5. 'I was gonna get a Mercedes, but then I could just see you kids in the backseat spilling ice cream all over the place.'
    Why he got a Volkswagen while stationed in the Philippines.
  6. 'That was back in my penny-pinching days.'
    So much funnier if you know him, but let's just say those have NOT ended. (see # 3) (he was also wearing a jacket he's owned at least since I was a small child)
  7. 'Every President since Eisenhower has tried to get information about the aliens, but they don't have high enough clearance.'
    During the devolution of a conversation re my acquisition of Secret Clearance.
  8. 'There are five or six alternate universes that exist right at this spot, so aliens from the other ones are always crossing over here into ours. That's why there are so many UFOs flying around.'
    Pronounced you-foes.
  9. 'There was a UFO flying around a skyscraper & actually pulling someone out of their bed through the window. Dozens of people saw it happening. But you won't see that in the New York Times!'
    Mulder? Is that you?
  10. 'We are all pawns in the the Illuminati's game.'
    When my mother asked what motivation the media/government would have for covering up the apparent UFO pandemic.
  11. 'I can see you're wondering how I know all this. It's because I've been around a long time.'
    Re the Illuminati, said to my sister when I had to go to the bathroom to laugh hysterically.