WHAT IF DONALD TRUMP SPOKE ABOUT WATER INFRASTRUCTURE AT A CAMPAIGN RALLY?

Make Sewers Great Again.
  1. Thank you! Woah, thank you, thank you so much. Thank you!
    "Trump! Trump! Trump!" chants.
  2. First lemme say I love sewers, sewers are amazing amazing things, I mean, really, just amazing.
    Wooooooooo! Crowd applauds.
  3. Without sewers, I mean, c'mon, I don't think Hillary would be able to get to her next campaign stop. Right? I know right? RIGHT?
    Ooooooooo! Woah! Laughter, more from crowd.
  4. But hey, seriously, I'm here to talk about sewers, right, and the truly huge amazing things that sewers are, sewers really are something. Great amazing things.
    Applause, applause.
  5. I remember, when I was a boy, I used to be driven down the street and I'd look out the window, and I would look at the curb and see sewer grates and just think, "Wow," right? Wow, just think about what's down there. I mean really what's down there? They really are amazing.
  6. But lately, sewers have not been so great, you know? Just not great.
    Booos, murmurs in crowd.
  7. I know, really, we know sewers just have not been as great as they should be, and I know a lot of candidates don't want to admit that but, hey, I just said it. It's true, right?
  8. How do we expect sewers to be great when America isn't great?
    Loud "Yes!" from middle of the audience, followed by Donald pointing right at the voice and nodding.
  9. Lemme say this, our sewers are old, old and inefficient, and the American people deserve better.
    Cheers, applause.
  10. This administration has made sewers less great, and I mean, look, sewers need to be great, they simply need to be great. We can't have a president who doesn't take sewers seriously.
  11. When I become president, you will get better sewers, sewers so great that you won't even know what to do with yourself they'll be so great.
    Banners waving, "Make Sewers Great Again" placards held high.
  12. I've seen some of the polls, and it looks like people like to use their bathrooms at home, right? That's what I've heard, I mean sure, people seem to like having a working bathroom at home, right?
    Laughter and applause.
  13. Well how can you have a working bathroom without hard-working sewers, sewers that will do the job? Sewers that get the job done. Sewers that will not just talk about it, but sewers that will cut the crap and just get to work, right?
    Raucous applause, chants begin "No more crap! No more crap!"
  14. My first day in office, lemme tell you, I will make sure every American's sewers are so great that you'll want to flush just to thank me...
    Applause builds.
  15. ...I mean honestly, you'll want to thank me so much that you'll flush twice. And I will say "Thank you" from the White House, because I will be president. I will be the best president you've evah seen in your life.
    Crowd erupts. Applause, banners waving.
  16. Our country is built on sewers, and that's saying something, because sewers are underground, and a lot has been built above ground, right? Right?
    Crowds: Yes! Yes!
  17. I want to thank you for being here, thank you so much, and thank you for flushing, too, right?
    Laughter, cheers.
  18. Let's keep it up, let's show the politicians that we love sewers, and the American people deserve the best. sewers. in the world.
  19. We can not forget about the sewers that have made our country great, and I will not forget the sewers that have made our country great. They can be greater, and will be the greatest when I become president.
  20. The BEST. Thank you. Thanks, thank you.
    Cheers, chants, applause, Trump points, waves, exits.