THINGS TO SAY WHILE PLAYING NEVER HAVE I EVER

an archive
  1. received a speeding ticket
  2. tried hallucinogenics
  3. remembered Father's Day and Mother's Day in the same year
  4. caught the bouquet at a wedding
  5. eaten eggs with ketchup
    sickos
  6. received a parking ticket
  7. worn sneaker wedges
  8. been in a minor car crash
  9. dressed as a cat for halloween
  10. taken a taxi
  11. had sex on a plane
    aka joined the mile high club
  12. had appendicitis
  13. been in a fist fight
  14. met someone with my last name
    this excludes people who are related to me
  15. realized I forgot my passport in the airport security line
  16. vomited blood
  17. wrapped myself or a newborn in an American flag
  18. applauded when my plane landed
  19. hooked up with someone in my direct circle of friends
    Update: I can no longer use this one
  20. shower sex
  21. used a fidget spinner