1. I graduated in May last year and haven't been back since.
  2. I live with my dad and stepmom and 4 out of 5 of my siblings.
  3. But I don't feel at home here. I never have. That's a whole other list.
  4. My freshman year of college my mom lost the home I grew up in and my family fell apart more than it was before.
  5. My parents had been separated since I was in 8th grade so it was already broken. But after my mom lost the house everything changed.
  6. My sister moved in with my grandma so she could finish her last year of high school at the same school. She graduates college this year.
  7. My brother and sister moved in with my dad. They still live here.
  8. My mom and stepdad moved into a really small house. They now live in a different small house.
  9. My siblings haven't talked to my mom in at least 3 years. I talked to her all throughout college. I was the only one.
  10. Everything I knew fell apart while I was at college. So Juniata became my home. And the people there became my family.
  11. Every summer when I left Juniata I missed it, but for the past 3 summers I had camp to keep me busy.
  12. Every time I returned to Juniata I felt like I was at home. More than whenever I came home to my actual family.
  13. Juniata was always so stressful and gave me a lot of anxiety, but I'd much rather be there than here.
  14. All my friends were there and my girlfriend was there. That makes sense. To want to be with them.
  15. But it also had Founders which was the building I spent most of my time in. Also the professors who had become like family as well.
  16. I cried saying goodbye on graduation. It took a lot not to actually full on bawl my eyes out. It felt like I lost my home and my family all over again.
  17. I think about it a lot at night. Like right now because it's almost 2am and this is what is preventing me from sleeping.
  18. Almost every night I dream about being there. I'm not kidding when I say this. It's almost every night. I dream that I never graduated and am still there.
  19. I'm hoping this will all go away when I start my job or if I get accepted to grad school.