On losing my first resident

  1. Working as a CNA with the elderly, I knew at one point the day would come when one of the residents I cared for would pass away.
  2. It was last Monday.
    Work was no different than any other night except that night the nurses were different than the ones that normally work. Also Becca didn't work that night. I was basically just going about doing my job. Having different people around and Becca not being there really sucked when it happened.
  3. It was dinner time and I was feeding one of the residents in the lounge when Tommy died.
    He died in his chair behind me. All the nurses came in and checked and they pronounced him.
  4. As they took him away I had to get up and leave.
    I went into a room with the one aide and I was trying not to cry. The one nurse came in and asked me if I was okay and that's when I started really crying. She gave me a hug and told me to go on a walk.
  5. I went outside called my dad and cried.
    It was overwhelming. I haven't experienced much death in my life and it was hard seeing him there and knowing he was there right behind me when he passed.
  6. I had been his aide the week before and took care of him every night.
    I knew he wasn't doing well. It broke my heart every night when I put him to bed seeing him suffer. But he always smiled at me before I left and told me I was doing a good job.
  7. What made me feel better was my dad told me that I gave him the care that he needed and that he appreciated it and he wasn't suffering anymore.
  8. I always try and care for each of my residents the best I can, but now I do it every night thinking that I could be caring for them for the last time and try to make it the absolute best.
  9. I don't really know what I'm saying, but I'll never forget him.