All you moms and dads out there. You are wonderful. I don't know how you do it. Most of these are said to Timmy. All of them are said at least once a week.
  1. "That it's not food. It does not belong in your mouth."
    Timmy tries to eat everything. I just had to remove an eraser from his mouth that he was eating.
  2. "No. I do not want to see your penis."
    We are in the living room. I know where pee comes from.
  3. "Do not smack your penis."
    Doesn't that hurt?
  4. "Stop playing with your penis."
    Young boys are obsessed with their penises.
  5. "Stop throwing your wet pull-up at me!"
    Timmy is still being potty trained.
  6. "Calm down. Stop peeing on the floor."
    Timmy is so terrified of peeing on the floor if he doesn't have a pull up on that he gets so nervous and worked up that he pees on the floor.
  7. "STOP!"
    Stop sitting on me. Stop talking. Stop touching that. Stop running. Stop sitting on my computer. Stop eating my food. Stop trying to punch me in the face. Stop yelling at me. Just please stop.
  8. "Leave each other alone."
    They annoy the shit out of each other. All. The. Time.
  9. "How was school? What did you learn today?"
    I am genuinely not interested in kindergarten, but I'm pretending so you stay interested.
  10. "Don't touch my glasses."
    Both of them insist on touching my glasses.