The true order. Not including MLK Day, because it's a day on, not a day off. Plus it's weird to rank it.
  1. Christmas
  2. Thanksgiving
    All the best carbs. Plus you don't have to shop as much as Christmas.
  3. Columbus Day
    Fall is the best season and Columbus Day is the. Eat time to enjoy it.
  4. New Year's Day
    Everyone's tired and there are good TV marathons on. But: toxic hangovers.
  5. Labor Day
    The end of summer. But the beginning of fall!
  6. Memorial Day
    Summer starts! But: it's about to get balls hot.
  7. Easter
    Candy! But when the hell is it?
  8. Halloween
    Candy! But sexy prisoners??
  9. Valentine's Day
    Blech. But candy!
  10. Fourth of July
    It's hot, it's loud, everyone's drunk. But there's usually a good, dumb movie playing.
  11. St. Patrick's Day
    Amateur's night. Go home, fake Irish people.
  12. New Year's Eve
    See above, but with the added pressure of having someone to kiss at midnight and having to stay up until midnight.