The true order. Not including MLK Day, because it's a day on, not a day off. Plus it's weird to rank it.
- •ThanksgivingAll the best carbs. Plus you don't have to shop as much as Christmas.
- •Columbus DayFall is the best season and Columbus Day is the. Eat time to enjoy it.
- •New Year's DayEveryone's tired and there are good TV marathons on. But: toxic hangovers.
- •Labor DayThe end of summer. But the beginning of fall!
- •Memorial DaySummer starts! But: it's about to get balls hot.
- •EasterCandy! But when the hell is it?
- •HalloweenCandy! But sexy prisoners??
- •Valentine's DayBlech. But candy!
- •Fourth of JulyIt's hot, it's loud, everyone's drunk. But there's usually a good, dumb movie playing.
- •St. Patrick's DayAmateur's night. Go home, fake Irish people.
- •New Year's EveSee above, but with the added pressure of having someone to kiss at midnight and having to stay up until midnight.