Fried Potatos, Ranked

A ranking of the most common fried potato types served in restaurants across America
  1. Steak Fries
    Perfectly encapsulates the balance between crisp exterior and fluffy middle. Versatile, serving as an effective accompaniment to burgers and fries, fried fish and steaks, and sturdy enough for any number of toppings.
  2. Home Fries
    Perfectly browned cubes, excellent as a starch for any number of protein items, and best when covered with eggs, cheese and a variety of other toppings.
  3. Curly Seasoned Fries
    You may think this is too high of a ranking for the Curly Seasoned Fry, but you know when you get a curly fry among your fires and it's the greatest surprise ever? That's why its this high.
  4. McDonald's Fries
    Have you ever gotten an order of McDonald's fries that weren't crispy, hot as balls, and covered with a cardiac arrestable amount of salt? No, you haven't.
  5. Crinkle Cut Fry
    If your restaurant has crinkle cut fries, you should develop a flight of sauces for crinkle cut dipping, like craft beers or wine.
  6. Waffle Cut
    Another excellent balance of fluffy and crispy; ranks lower due to tendency to clump up in fryer, making a weird under cooked pocket in the middle.
  7. Hashbrown Patty
    The perfect answer to 'What can I eat at breakfast that's similar to a french fry, but with a greater surface area for scalding my tongue?'
  8. Potato Wedge
    Inferior to its very similar brother the steak fry due to a trendy for clumpage; often feature coating and a single fry session, making for too inconsistent of dish at different restaurants.
  9. Hashbrowns, Waffle House
    Truly only great when covered in at least two other food items, disqualifying them from true greatness.
  10. Tater Tot
    A fun nostalgic trip down memory lane, but also a carb covered hot oil IED that could take out your cheek.
  11. Hashbrowns
    Crisp to Pillowy ratio too far out of whack; stray overcooked pieces can do extensive damage from mouth scratches to throat lacerations.
  12. Shoestring Fry
    Good idea in practice, but prone to dissolve into a cold ball of starchy oil before the end of most car rides.
  13. Sweet Potato Fries
    I want carbs deep fried in oil. I'm under no pretense that this is healthy. Get the fuck outta here, sweet potato.