REASONS I'M A CATCH

  1. 1.
    I always take my hat off indoors
    Manners are important, and guess what? I've got 'em! If I'm wearing a hat, I never fail to take my hat off when I enter a building. Sure, sometimes I wear a ball cap in stores, but don't we all?
  2. 2.
    I can do a KILLER Boz Scaggs impression
    All kids love Boz Scaggs, kids from 1 to 92 (anyone older than 92, QUIT LISTENING TO BOZ SCAGGS), and I do a great impression of him. The trick is kind of to be Ray Romano if he could carry a tune. Why am I assuming Ray can't sing? Is that rude? Wait... You don't know Boz Scaggs? Well your dad does, he'd love this impression!
  3. 3.
    Parents love me
    I've been called Nick Miller: Friend of Dads, but in reality the title should just be Friend of Parents. Why do parents love me? I'm polite (see item 1 on the list) and charming (see item 2 on the list). Like I said, your dad would LOVE my Boz Scaggs impression! Your mom would love that I'm a Sweet Boy.
  4. 4.
    Nobody has ever openly said they hated me
    Pretty impressive if you ask me!
  5. 5.
    C'mon do I really have to keep listing reasons?
    JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT! I'M NOT A LIAR! (Editor's note: I do hate in movies when characters are bad at lying because it's so EASY to lie about things! I do it all the time! But like, for small, inconsequential things. Not like I'm covering up murders I committed or anything. I'm a harmless liar, the lies are for the greater good)