WHEN PRETENDING TO SLEEP IS THE BETTER OPTION -

I avoid things like the plague because of this technique. Sure, people get annoyed with you, but it's just a bump in the road of life. Thank god you'll get over it.
  1. Avoiding not answering someone's question because you know it's not the answer they want to hear
    In my experience it's better to pretend like nothing even happened, especially if it's your mother asking when you and her can have a dreadful lunch date with your grandmother, I love her but I don't want that right now - or maybe ever?
  2. When people are talking about you or about something serious and you pretend to sleep to eavesdrop
    This is one of my favorites. No explanation needed.
  3. (This one is not really the same thing, but I'm going to count it anyways...) Avoiding hanging out with someone because you lazy or just don't want to see THEM
    You don't need a reason, if you wanted to hang out you would get up and just do it. For this one, it's safer to do this from the very comfort of your home while avoiding any form of social media or confrontation with the world. ALSO, this is where Read Receipts can be very helpful, yet dangerous; if yours are on you best not be swiping any messages with the person or someone they're friends with. Then when you're ready to be a real human send them an apology saying "Oh, I feel asleep, sorry!"
  4. Avoiding hard work
    Confession: I have, countlessly, stayed in bed for hours after waking up to avoid work days* in my house. Work days include: anytime where your parents would like to get rid of your Barbies because "you're too old," cleaning up the basement because we're having people over (despite the fact, you don't bring people over), and finally, when you're forced to dry wall a church during your Spring Break - talk about fun..
  5. When you're late for school and you have zero motivation to go
    This usually occurs when the temperature gets below 0, and you find yourself waking up and feeling like someone shat all over your life. Of course, your mother begins calling you from downstairs telling you to get up and get ready, but you already have plans for today - to rot in your bed. In order to avoid school altogether, tell her/call in to school stating that you have a headache or feel dizzy (something with little to no symptoms that are easily visible) -- Ferris Bueller style.
  6. If you witness something you know you ain't supposed to see
    Should I leave it as something so vague? Why not... As a side note, successfully pretending to sleep during these instances will save you from a lifetime of awkward interactions and help propel your gossip game in the right direction.