Things that make my mother the legendary Rocco

  1. She doesn't know how to save contacts on her phone, so she memorizes all of her friends' phone numbers.
    "I just remember everyone's last two digits."
  2. Purse: bible, cigarettes, sunglasses case.
  3. And stevia.
    "People always buy stevia."
  4. Sunglasses case: empty.
    She spent a full week looking for her sunglasses.
  5. She is really short. Too short to fit in a selfie with her children.
    "Can you guys bend down a little bit?"
  6. She also has tiny feet.
    Mom's Croc vs. Nico's Rainbow
  7. She is amused by sex shops.
    "Maybe they have something to console widows."
  8. She shamelessly listens to other people's conversations on an airplane.
    "I think they are speaking Croatian."
  9. New Year's Eve tradition: eat lentils at dinner and then save the leftovers in a piece of tissue. Place this inside your wallet to make more money than the year before.
    "I swear it works!"
  10. She sells stuff. All kinds of stuff in all kinds of places. She sometimes goes door to door to sell things.
  11. And sometimes she tries to break into people's houses just to leave something for them.
    "They'll pay me later."
  12. She walks into universities in Cochabamba and sells stuff to administrators and students. She is not allowed to do this, but she still does it.
    "Just make sure the dean doesn't see us."
  13. She carries a huge calculator around.
    "Otherwise I can't see the numbers on my phone."
  14. She deals baking soda.
    Bolivia limits the sale of baking soda (bicarbonato de sodio) to 5 pounds per person, per month. This is because baking soda is used in the process of turning coca leaves into cocaine. My mom knows some people, pulls some strings and sells baking soda for triple the price #dealer
  15. She takes her clothes to the women's jail to get them ironed. 50 cents a piece. Bolivian cents.
    "I just don't have time to do it myself."
  16. She walks around her house dragging around a rag.
    "This way my floors are always shinny."
  17. She lights her cigarettes on the stove.
    "I can never find my lighter in my purse."
  18. She has to hand-feed her dogs. They don't eat any other way.
  19. All the towels in her house were taken from American hotels.
    "No one ever noticed. Plus we had space in our bags."
  20. She highly dislikes tap water. To avoid drinking it, she boils it and then pours it into this vintage wine bottle.
    "It tastes so much better out of the bottle."
  21. She is a small woman in a big world. And I love her so much.