A pretty sad story
  1. Age 20- My family surprises me with a cat for Christmas. I was obsessed with kittens as a youth but now grew out of it and into a severe allergy.
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  2. I am also in college at the time, but my very pushy mother has told my college (which is not Harvard) that the only way I'd be returning was if my kitten could come with me since I'm having such a difficult time coping with my parents divorce. She called all my roommates to agree to this.
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    My parents had been divorced for eight years by this point and I've always been, like, fine.
  3. I get very upset at first. I'm too drunk at college to raise a kitten. As the day proceeds, I name him Galifinakis and fall in love with him despite my itchy eyes and runny nose.
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  4. That night we have our annual Christmas party where I parade him around looking like an allergy zombie. At dinner, my sisters make a toast and tell me (and all 30 of our guests, but they already knew) I've been punkd. The kitten was never mine to keep. My mom and sisters only anticipated my initial angry reaction and didn't expect a bond to form.
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    No pictures were taken past me receiving the cat because my face looked like it was microwaved and my family is heartless.
  5. That's what April Fools is for. Christmas is not the time.