Things I never did as a child

  1. Camps of any kind.
    Except for "Camp Jewel" a weekend long retreat in 6th grade. I was new to town and school. Sleeping in a bunk was cool but I was made to climb a wooden wall while tethered to a teenage counselor who was way too upbeat and thus seemed Christian to me. As someone who valued my impure thoughts, I figured he didn't care much whether I survived the wall. He was probably just some chill guy on the verge of finding himself, but I'll never know.
  2. Anything Disney
    We never engaged with Disney/princess culture, which was an economic decision more than anything else but I choose to appreciate it as a choice my parents made for our brains. Though one Mother's Day my mom asked me if, as her present, I would let her put make up on me. So.
  3. Hung out in refurbished basements.
    I'm from New England so everyone's house was hundreds of years old and haunted by ghosts. My sister and I used to hang out in our basement but it was just regular; boxes, leaks, shadows, musty dust smell, hidden treasures, monsters. Nary a foosball table or pleather pull out couch to be seen.
  4. Had neighborhood friends.
    Up until 6th grade I went to school out of district and so all my classmates lived at least 30 minutes away. This was before the parenting movement where your mom and dad assume the role of personal assistant/chauffeur so no one was clamoring to drive me 30 miles so I could color with someone. Plus we only had one car. So until I was 11 the only person I really hung out with was my sister. Then we moved to a town where everything was walking distance.
  5. Went anywhere
    I was 18 before I left New England. The only vacations my family took were just to other cities in Massachusetts within a 2 hour drive. I think the first "hotel" I stayed at was a Red Roof Inn in Chicago. I split the room with three friends and woke up in the middle of the night with the worst cold I've ever had.
  6. Put someone's hand in water trying to make them pee.
    Maybe because I only hung out with my sister and I might have been a tough sell as a companion the next day.
  7. Sports.
    Still true.